Should You Have a Child During COVID?

Like many of you, my wife and I are living under lockdown due to the global pandemic known as AD 2020 or as it will be known to my children, ‘Nam. Due to our isolation, our increased consumption of alcohol, and psychic damage collected over many months we have chosen, decided, and elected to have another child.

“But Tom”, you say, “you already have a child. Isn’t that a little greedy?”

No. Because you see, children are expensive and a person who wants to amass wealth, a “greedy” person, would have as few as possible. Or at least acknowledge as few as possible.

But we are not greedy. We are desperate to talk to someone other than each other and our first child just isn’t cutting it. It’s not that she’s a poor conversationalist, it’s just that all of her conversations go the same. She holds up a small plastic figure and says something like, ‘Hello, I’m Grover. I have feet. Let’s go for a walk.” And then I am expected to grab up another small plastic figure, announce whether this figure has feet, and then go for a walk around my own home. As much as I truly melt into a puddle and weep tears of joy whenever this happens, I’m ready to branch out.

“But Tom,” you say again, “this new child won’t be able to talk, how does having another child do you any good?”

Shit. This whole thing just folded in on itself. What the hell was I thinking? This is going to be so much more work what the hell were we thinking?! This is twice as many bedtimes, and every time someone has to change a diaper it’s going to be me because my wife will be recovering. I’m never going to play Cyberpunk 2077.

Wait, wait. I figured it out, my parents are going to come help out and we can talk to them. So that’s like two whole new adults to talk to and to help change diapers. This is fine.

“But Tom,” you fucking insist on saying, “aren’t you worried that your parents could be exposed to COVID-19 when coming to visit you and your daughter who is currently going to daycare? It’s probably not safe to allow them to come visit until a vaccine gets to market.

Yeah, obviously it’s not safe to have them at my house now. That’s completely obvious. Yeah, nobody is coming to visit or to help. And that’s fine! It’s fine because having a new child isn’t really about being bored and not knowing what to do with yourself and trying to stick to a life-plan that you kind of just threw together in 2017. That’s not what having a child is about!

“What is having a child about?”

Lots of stuff! The importance of family! Biological urges! Trying to fill the world with intelligent, thoughtful people who will counterbalance the true, deep insanity that has come to power in this dark age!

“You OK, man?”

Yeah, no I’m fine. Thanks. Listen, if you want to have a kid now go for it, people had kids in the Great Depression and during the Black Plague and whatever, so it’s probably fine, right?

“Yeah, probably. Just think about if you live in a place where infection rates are low and you can rely on getting a hospital bed in an emergency, if your income is relatively stable and you have a support system nearby, and whether you can expect to keep yourselves isolated and free from infection during the pregnancy. If that’s all OK, I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”

Yeah. Yeah, I’m good on those fronts. That makes a lot of sense. Cool. Thanks.

No worries. Good job on the blog post. You’re doing alright.

Thanks.