Birthing Classes

I hear people say all the time, why do you need birthing classes? Childbirth is as natural as breathing air! People have been having babies for literally all of history and they’ve been fine. Well, that’s true enough, I guess. I could make the obvious point that a lot of those mothers and children died, but that’d be super depressing, so let’s just skip that bit. Instead, let’s focus on the fact that This is America, and in America, it’s important to support small business. And there’s no business smaller than the baby business.

<break for applause>

Thank you!  

But in all seriousness if I’m going to spend $4.50 at my local coffee shop for an iced coffee, a beverage that is literally just seeds that turn water brown, then I can afford to help out a childcare professional.

Now, in order for this work, you have to make sure that you’re not just getting your gigantic insurance conglomerate to pay some gigantic hospital conglomerate thousands of dollars that would change your life, but is a trifle to them. No, you must support small business! But how do you find a decent small business to work with? 

The same way you find a decent couch for no money: Craigslist! 

OK, so what do we have here?

OK, first of all, this is not a kit for hypnotizing babies, so that name is totally misleading. In all honesty, I was so intrigued by this that I asked my wife if she’d like me to hypnotize her during childbirth. She said, why? I said to elminate pain and fear. She said she’s getting an epidural so she doesn’t need it.

What else? 

I guess you can sit on a stool to give birth, so that’s cool! This stool looks like it has a dick!

OK, now we’re talking. See, this is the beauty of America. You can set out to support small businesses and BECOME a small business! I ran this by my wife and she says that she’ll do it if these guys cover daycare for a few months. How cool is that?!

In summary, birthing classes are for suckers, when you can get paid to give birth for 5 respectful ~27u year old men.